What Do You Want?

“What do you want Me to do for you?” And he said, “Lord, I want to regain my sight!” (Luke 18:41 NASB)

It’s hard for me to read this without hearing Annie Potts in Ghost Busters answering the phone saying, “Ghost Busters, what do you want?” in a very grumpy angry voice.  And I am on phones all day long, so you don’t even know how often I’ve wanted to answer them like that.  Sometimes my day isn’t fun, the circumstances aren’t the way I want, and I’m stuck still waiting for that “idea” I had to produce fruit.  I’m still waiting.  You never know though.  God brings about amazing things.  So it’s not a question of can or will He, it’s often a question of Him looking into my eyes and asking, “What do you want Me to do for you?”

What do I want?  Sometimes that question speaks so much more loudly of my human relationships than the relationship with my Heavenly Father.  Sometimes the two are so intertwined I can’t see any distinction.  But at other times, very infrequent times, my answer will have everything to do with Him and His Kingdom.  Those are the ones I don’t feel guilty for asking Him to do.  But my day is often overshadowed by the requirements of my job, the ever-present pressure to produce, the push to make more calls and therefore more money.  And, yes, “I’m in sales”.

I know enough about myself to know I’m no sales person.  I’m a problem-solver who cares about people.  I don’t want their money, I want them to work better for less.  That last part creates a problem because I’m actually measured on how many people give me their money.  Whatever.  I have my own canon of measure, one I borrowed from my King.  It frustrates my manager, but she understands.  I produce enough to keep my job, but find the tediousness of the process grating.  It’s the people I talk to that I enjoy the most.  I get to know them, help them through the problem they face, and they call back to get more help.  Sometimes in that process they spend money with me.

The challenge is to really know what I want.  Honestly, I don’t want to be the best, to make the most, the adulation of my peers, or my manger’s job.  I’m good where I am on this “food-chain”.  I wouldn’t mind jumping over to a different chain, but I’m not relocating to do so. So here I am.  What do I want my Master to do for me?  Maybe I’m so consumed by the enormity of my struggle with work that I’m missing another view.

If I look up and around me, what I want my Master to do for me is transform my community.  But that entails changing my church, which means we commit to Him and submit to Him.  And that means so many people changing their priorities, which means they somehow make that “leap” to seeing the benefit.  Which means they “buy into” some point of view that discipleship, which costs so much, returns so much more.  That’s a lot for which to ask my Master.

The blind man wanted to see.  What he wanted was to be changed.  So perhaps I need to ask for what I want Jesus to change in me.  It would be different than changing my circumstances (work) or my environment (community).  What do I want Him to change in me?  My attitude toward work?  Yes.  And perhaps my attitude toward my community? Yes.  If He asked me what He asked the blind man, both those things would be things for which I need to ask.  I need an attitude change.  I need it at work and at church.  That’s what I need, but is it what I want?

What do you want Jesus do to for you?  What’s your view through your knothole?

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